Isn’t it exhausting to feel like you’ve got to do it all yourself?
Maybe you’re the only person in your inner circle who really pushes themself to learn and grow. Maybe you’re the smartest person you know, so you’re the one who constantly helps everyone around you. Maybe you’ve got higher standards than your coworkers (or even your boss!), so you aren’t getting mentored.
Perhaps you’re the only person who understands your career vision. That can be really lonely, even if you’re surrounded by good people who care about you.
Sometimes it can feel like you’ve got to figure it all out yourself. But at the same time, you want a sign that you’re on the right path! And more than that, you’d love to have a bit of reliable guidance for how to keep improving.
If this is how you feel, we completely understand. We’ve been there … and we’ve got some advice.
What you’re looking for is feedback: an outside perspective from a source you trust that can help you decide what steps to take next in your career journey.
Not all feedback is useful. If it’s vague, too positive, too critical, unrealistic, outdated, or misinformed, it’s not going to be very helpful.
The way you ask for feedback can also make a huge difference in the quality of the response. “Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer,” as the saying goes.
So let’s take a closer look at how to get feedback that matters.
Who to Ask
When you’re looking for career advice, the easiest person to ask might not be the best person to ask. It’s worth the effort to make sure you’re approaching the right kind of person, so their feedback will really help you.
Give some thought to who might be able to give you the best advice. They should be:
Experienced: Ideally, they’ll have firsthand knowledge of what you’re asking about. That means someone in your role or field with a track record that includes at least some successes.
Observant: You’re going to get the highest quality feedback from someone who is aware of the context, pays attention to people, and (hopefully) knows you at least a little. (If they don’t know you, be ready to give them the key details of your situation in a clear, one-minute explanation.)
Practical: They should have a good sense of how things work, and they should be the kind of person who will tell you honestly when there’s something they don’t know.
Clear Communicator: It’s no good talking to someone who’s knowledgeable if they can’t actually pass their wisdom on to you in a way you can understand.
Neutral: If you ask someone who’s too idealistic or optimistic, they’re likely to avoid giving you the tough love you need. On the other hand, if you ask somebody who’s really negative or toxic, you might get bombarded with so much criticism that you find it hard to take away anything valuable.
This means you might be looking for someone like: your boss or someone else with good experience at your company, a peer you’ve collaborated with, a client you’ve developed rapport with, online forum members with verified expertise, or people in industry groups.
Your bestie and family probably won’t be able to give you the insights you’re looking for unless they’re in your same field and really understand your goals. Otherwise, they might undercut your confidence just when you need it most. We aren’t saying to avoid talking to them. But we do think it’s a good idea to ask for feedback on your career only from people who are going to steer you in the right direction.
What to Ask
You’re going to get the best advice by asking neutral, open-ended questions. Using neutral wording leaves the advice-giver room to be candid with you. And open-ended questions (rather than looking for a simple yes or no) will often lead to great insights that you didn’t even know to ask about.
Here are three excellent questions that you can adapt for just about any situation:
How could I do better?
You can leave this vague or make it more specific (like “How could I do better at _______?”). This is a brave question. It means you need to be open to hearing whatever your advice-giver tells you. If you immediately get defensive or argumentative, this whole effort will be a waste. Remember that your goal is to learn so you can improve. And that this person is doing you a favor by clueing you in to something that might have taken you months or years to figure out on your own.
What am I missing?
We’ve all got blind spots. Most people never notice theirs (and honestly, they don’t really want to know). Having a reliable expert show you gaps in your understanding is an incredible gift that can jumpstart your performance and give you a shortcut to fulfilling your potential. For example, if you’re an auditor who excels at best practices and technology, it might take an outsider to point out that you’ll get more info out of people if you soften them up instead of interrogating them.
What have I been doing well?
We put this one last for a reason: it’s only useful if you truly don’t know. This isn’t to puff up your ego or dig for compliments. The goal is to get confirmation of bright spots in your work that you can feel confident about and build on. For example, if you’re in sales and only a third of your prospects sign contracts, it could be really helpful to have a more experienced salesperson tell you what you’re doing right so you know to keep doing it.
Be ready with a few follow-up questions to dig deeper into the feedback. Here are some good all-purpose ideas:
- Could you give me an example of what you mean?
- What do you think is getting in my way?
- Where do you think I should start, as I work on that?
- Are there any books or resources that have helped you a lot?
- What will it look like to do that really well?
Prepare Yourself
It takes nerve to ask someone for feedback—especially if they’re already good at what you want to improve on! The fact that you’re even thinking about it shows you’ve got a growth mindset when it comes to your career. That is fantastic!
A little bit of preparation before you ask for feedback will go a long way. Take a few minutes to:
- Figure out exactly what you’d like feedback about.
- Think about how it relates to bigger career questions and who you are.
- Remind yourself that the point is to learn and grow, so you’re probably going to hear some things that make you feel a bit uncomfortable. But those very comments will be the ones that help you.
- Pick a time when you’re feeling good and have the energy to make good use of the feedback you get.
- Ask in a calm setting when the advice-giver isn’t stressed or in a hurry.
- Clear your mind before the chat, so it’ll be easier to fully absorb what they’re saying.
- Take notes during the chat or right afterward, to help you remember the details.
One of the most common problems we see in tough conversations is that the listener hears something they don’t like, they get offended, and they immediately tune out what the speaker is saying so they can focus on coming up with their rebuttal. The problem, as you can imagine, is that doing that will cause you to miss what your advice-giver is saying.
If you notice that you’re having a strong reaction and tuning out, give yourself some grace. Try to acknowledge to yourself that even though it doesn’t feel great in the moment, this is going to help you in the long run. Then bring your attention back to the conversation.
Conclusion
Getting specific, actionable feedback from a source you trust can be an amazing way to boost your learning, gain confidence in the steps you’re taking, and know where to head next. It takes guts, which is why most people avoid it like the plague.
If you can ask the brave questions and listen with an open mind, you will find that you don’t have to figure it all out by yourself.
