“Oh shoot, I have no idea what they just said.”
How many times has this thought occurred to you? You’re chatting with someone, they’re telling you something, you think you’re listening, and then you suddenly realize that your mind went walkabout without you even noticing. Oops.
It happens to the best of us.
The point is that simply telling yourself to listen to someone isn’t enough. Especially not in the workplace. And especially not if you’re trying to use active listening to collaborate better, be more productive, and build relationships with your colleagues.
You need strategies that help keep your brain on track as you practice this critical soft skill.
Five Essential Habits of Active Listeners
So let’s get more specific about how to keep ourselves listening closely during presentations and conversations..
The strategies below will make it easier for you to master active listening over the course of a few weeks or months. Don’t be discouraged if it feels a bit weird at first. The more you practice, the more your brain will adapt to this way of paying attention. Over time, active listening will become second nature and you’ll start reaping the benefits in your work and relationships.
These habits will work in any setting, but be sure to check out the first two posts in this series for more specific tips on how to listen actively when working with Latin American teams and with U.S. teams.
1. Clear Your Mind to Stay Present
We’ve all got a constant flow of thoughts and emotions passing through our minds. It takes effort to make room to truly listen to someone else, because that river doesn’t just stop.
We have to learn how to focus our attention on the speaker even while that river is flowing in the background. That takes discipline, but it is absolutely possible—especially if you’re emotionally invested in the conversation. (That’s why it’s so easy to pay attention to TV shows and movies.)
The ultimate goal of this habit is to make sure you’re genuinely engaged in the conversation and not distracted. When you are completely present, you can understand what the speaker is saying much better.
Tips for Practicing:
Cut out the distractions: Turn off notifications, put your phone on silent, and refuse to let yourself multitask while someone is speaking.
Mentally tune in: Before the conversation starts, consciously set aside other thoughts or worries so that you can focus fully on the speaker.
Take a few notes: Jot down important points and key phrases to help you remember the details, but don’t get bogged down in taking complete notes about everything that’s being said. (Notetaking can in itself become a distraction if you aren’t careful.)
Tell yourself it can wait: Chances are, thoughts will keep popping into your head while you try to listen. Tell yourself that for now you’re busy listening. You can also make note of the thoughts you don’t want to forget, as a way of getting them out of your head so you can get back to focusing on the speaker.
Practice mindfulness when you’re alone: Build the habit of clearing your mind and being present throughout the day so it’ll be easier to slip into active-listening mode with others.
2. Connect with the Speaker’s Perspective
Like we mentioned earlier, staying focused on what someone else is saying becomes a lot easier when we connect with them on a deeper level. Many times, the conversation will be about work rather than something personal or emotional. But you’ll still want to understand the speaker’s priorities, perspective, and the past experiences that have shaped their thinking. When you get where someone is coming from, you can respond better and with more insight. And when people feel understood, they’re more likely to consider suggestions from others.
What we’re really talking about here is empathy, which is an important aspect of active listening. If you can show genuine empathy for your colleagues, it will help build trust and rapport and make the work day much more fulfilling.
Tips for Practicing:
Put yourself in their shoes: Try to imagine how you would feel in their situation. Consider the constraints the speaker is working under, like tight budgets or timelines, difficult clients, or other frustrating limitations that are playing into their thought processes.
Respond with validation: Use phrases like “That makes sense” or “I see what you mean” to show that you understand where they’re coming from. Or simply nod to show that you get it.
Don’t rush to solve problems: Keep in mind that, if an obvious solution were available, the speaker probably would have already thought of it. Focus first on listening and understanding.
Use tone to convey empathy: Sometimes, your tone of voice can communicate empathy as much as your words. But be careful not to sound condescending.
Acknowledge the emotion: If the speaker seems upset or excited, say things like, “That sounds really frustrating,” or “I can see why you’re excited about this.”
3. Avoid Breaking the Flow of Conversation
In some contexts, any interruption is considered disrespectful. But in others, it’s a sign of enthusiasm.
No matter what, your goal should be to join in the vibe of what’s being said. For example, if it’s more of a back-and-forth conversation, you’ll want to make sure that what you’re contributing adds to the speaker’s point, rather than distracting from what they’re trying to accomplish.
Your goal is to let the speaker fully express their ideas. This is really important for preventing misunderstandings, having productive conversations, and building good relationships.
Tips for Practicing:
Follow the speaker’s flow: If they shift momentarily into something more personal or amusing, stay present with them. Then be ready to get back on task when they do..
Take notes: If you have an idea while someone is speaking in a situation where interrupting would be frowned on, write it down instead. This way, you won’t forget your point, but you can still listen until the speaker is done.
Use non-verbal responses: Nod or smile to acknowledge the speaker without breaking their flow.
Add, don’t subtract: Make it a goal to frame your contributions in a supportive way. Don’t tear down the speaker’s suggestions unless you have an urgent reason to do so. Instead, try to build on what they’re saying or help push the ideas further.
Remind yourself: Listening is more valuable than speaking in most conversations. Not only will you gather helpful information that helps in your work, but you’ll be nurturing trusting relationships.
4. Confirm That You Understand Correctly
Sometimes what the speaker is saying will be very clear cut. For example, that a deadline has been moved to Thursday at 10am. Other times, they’ll be conveying an idea with nuance or something that might be hard to understand.
These are all good times to double check with the speaker that what you heard is consistent with what they said. How you do this will depend on your context. You’ll want to clarify in greater detail when working with U.S. teams.
In any case, focus on clarifying the facts of the situation. Doing this will show that you’re invested and prevent misunderstandings.
Tips for Practicing:
Focus on the key points: You don’t need to repeat everything. Just get confirmation on the most important points.
Work the clarification into your own comments: Restate what you heard in your own words as a way of introducing what you’re going to say, so the speaker knows exactly what you’re responding to and can respond as needed.
Ask for the speaker to confirm: After paraphrasing, say, “Did I get that right?” to make sure you both understand each other.
Avoid judgmental tones: Keep your paraphrasing neutral and objective, avoiding interpretations that could skew the speaker’s meaning.
Practice summarizing: Paraphrasing is a skill in and of itself. You can work on it by summarizing important conversations on your own after they happen.
5. Ask Open-Ended Questions
Most people default to asking yes/no questions. Sometimes, that makes perfect sense. But if you’re trying to foster a discussion, help explore ideas, let someone share their thoughts, or learn something new, it’s much better to keep your questions flexible. For example, you’ll get more thoughtful responses by asking “What logistics problems might this cause?” than by asking “Will this cause a logistics problem?”
Open-ended questions will deepen your own understanding, help keep the conversation going, avoid putting the speaker in an awkard position, and uncover more interesting ideas.
Tips for Practicing:
Be curious: Adopt a mindset of curiosity. Even if you think you understand, asking open-ended questions can reveal new insights.
Start with “how” or “what”: Instead of yes/no questions, try something like “How do you think we might go about that?” or “What will be involved in getting that done?”
Ask follow-up questions: When you feel like you don’t have the full picture, try asking something like “Can you tell me more about that?” to show you’re interested in learning more.
Avoid leading questions: Stay away from questions that suggest a specific answer. If you have the urge to ask a leading question, ask yourself what’s behind it. You may have concerns that could be brought up in a more productive way.
Practice during casual conversations: Asking open-ended questions in everyday conversations will make it feel more natural in professional settings.
The First Step
To get started on adopting these habits, you simply need to start practicing. Pick one of the tips we mentioned above and make a point to use it in your next conversation.
The wonderful thing about skills like active listening is that all progress is good progress. Don’t worry about doing it perfectly. Take your time and practice each strategy one by one. Breaking habits down into small parts is a fantastic way to master them. You’ll be able to see your progress and adjust without getting overwhelmed or frustrated.
As you’re incorporating these techniques into your daily life, you’ll probably have a few awkward moments. If you try something that doesn’t land well, don’t get discouraged. Learn what you can from the experience and adjust your approach the next time.
If you practice active listening every day, you’ll be amazed at how quickly you get good at it.
Conclusion
Active listening is more than just a soft skill—it’s a superpower that can transform your working relationships, deepen your team’s collaboration, and even boost your career growth. As we’ve seen, this skill goes beyond merely hearing words. It involves staying present, acknowledging the speaker’s perspective, and responding thoughtfully.
Once you master active listening, you’ll find that it helps deepens others’ trust in you, improves your team’s problem-solving, and helps everyone do better work.
