“Oh, so you’re saying I’m unreliable?!”
“No, I’m just saying that since we didn’t make last week’s deadline, we might not be able to make this week’s either.”
“You think you’re so perfect?”
“No, and I didn’t say I am.”
“That’s rude.”
—
You might never have had this exact conversation, but we’d bet you a steak dinner that you’ve had quite a few like it.
One person points out a problem. The other person takes it personally, gets offended, and responds indignantly. The conversation goes off the rails and nothing gets accomplished.
It happens everywhere, all the time. It’s unproductive. It wastes time and energy. And yet, most people keep falling into the trap.
In this post, we’re going to show you a better way. One that helps you collaborate with your coworkers, solve more problems, have more peace in your work life, and build trust with others.
What vs. Who
nFocusing on the what means concentrating on the problem, issue, or task at hand, rather than blaming or criticizing the person involved.
It’s about understanding the facts, identifying solutions, and using logic and reason to address the situation. It requires analyzing the situation objectively, setting your emotions aside, and collaborating to solve problems, instead of focusing on personal faults.
This is a skill that leads to better communication, better results, and higher morale. It’s incredibly important for the workplace, because solving problems quickly and efficiently is what keeps a business running smoothly. Among leaders and managers, this principle is even more crucial. (You’ve surely seen firsthand how quickly a leader can deflate morale with just a few careless words.)
If you’re working with U.S. companies, this skill is absolutely essential. Getting distracted by personal issues during crunch time is really looked down upon in U.S. business culture, because it’s seen as unprofessional.
What Happens When We Focus on the Who
In Latin America, where personal relationships are especially important, it can be really difficult to separate what is happening from who is involved. Sometimes that’s a good thing. When things are going well, that focus on relationships helps us bond with each other and reinforces the importance of the group.
But when trouble hits, that same focus on people can lead us to personalize the problem. To get offended, blame others, butt heads over differing perspectives, and spend lots of mental and emotional energy defending ourselves. And then when the dust settles, the original problem is still there, needing to be solved!
We’d like to suggest that there is a time and a place to focus on the who. This is, in fact, a really important part of good management. But it should happen when things are calm and heads are cool, not when there’s a problem to be solved.
Real-World Scenarios
So far we’ve mentioned problem-solving a lot. Let’s look at a few other examples where focusing on the what makes a big difference:
Scenario 1: Handling Feedback in a Biased Environment
Charles receives harsh feedback from his manager, who says, “Your presentation was terrible. You just don’t have what it takes to handle these kinds of projects.”
Focusing on the Who:
Charles takes the feedback personally, stewing over it and feeling insulted. In their next meeting, he acts defensive, refusing to engage in discussions about his work, thinking, “Why bother? They’ve already decided I’m not good enough.”
Focusing on the What:
Charles focuses on the what instead of the who. He acknowledges the feedback calmly and asks his manager, “Can you tell me what specific parts of the presentation didn’t meet expectations? I’d like to improve on them.” By asking for concrete suggestions, Charles turns the biased comment into an opportunity for growth, focusing on the task rather than the personal critique.
Scenario 2: Dealing with Gossip in the Workplace
Anna hears from a colleague that another team member, Sophia, has been spreading rumors about her performance. Anna feels frustrated and hurt, she’s tempted to confront Sophia and set the record straight.
Focusing on the Who:
Anna immediately confronts Sophia in a heated manner, saying, “Why are you talking behind my back? You don’t know anything about what I’m doing!” This only escalates the conflict, with Sophia denying it and turning defensive, making things tense for the entire team.
Focusing on the What:
Instead of confronting Sophia about the gossip, Anna takes the high road. She chooses to ignore the personal drama and focuses on doing her very best work. In the next team meeting, Anna presents her progress clearly and confidently, ensuring that her work speaks for itself. Over time, the gossip fades as her colleagues see her results. By not getting dragged into personal conflicts, Anna stays focused on her goals and raises her skill level.
Scenario 3: Conflict in a Group Setting
During a brainstorming session, Rob keeps interrupting Lucinda, dismissing her ideas and insisting his approach is better. He says, “Lucinda, you don’t understand how this works. We need a more experienced opinion here.”
Focusing on the Who:
Lucinda responds by shutting down and disengaging from the discussion. She feels insulted and stops offering her thoughts, leaving the group without her valuable input.
Focusing on the What:
Instead of taking Rob’s comment personally, Lucinda says, “I understand your perspective, Rob. Let’s focus on the main objective. Here’s how my suggestion could help us meet that goal. What do you think about trying it this way?” By keeping the conversation focused on the shared goal and avoiding emotional reactions, Lucinda puts the attention back on the issue at hand, which lets her ideas be heard without escalating the conflict.
As you can see, focusing on the what isn’t just an act of turning the other cheek. In every one of these cases, the person who’s able to stay cool and objective benefits personally and professionally. They’ll quickly gain a reputation as someone who can get the job done without unnecessary drama—a rare and valuable trait to be known for.
A Veritable Voltron of Soft Skills
Being able to focus on the what is a part of practicing critical thinking. But it involves soft skills from across the spectrum. These skills click together to become even more powerful than they are separately—just like Voltron.
Here are the top seven soft skills involved in focusing on the what:
Emotional Regulation
Controlling your emotions in the moment, so that you can respond calmly regardless of how you’re feeling on the inside.
Active Listening
Focusing your full attention on the speaker without getting distracted by your own thoughts, hearing everything they’re saying, and understanding what they’re trying to communicate.
Objectivity in Decision-Making
Setting aside your opinions so you can consider just the facts when making a decision.
Problem-Solving
Analyzing an issue, discovering the causes, and identifying practical solutions.
Giving and Receiving Feedback
Offering constructive comments that help someone improve without being accusatory or demeaning, and being able to accept the same from others with dignity.
Collaboration and Empathy
Taking others’ perspectives into account and working together with compassion.
Conflict Resolution and Assertive Communication
Describing the situation diplomatically but clearly, and identifying possible paths forward.
If you don’t have these underlying skills, focusing on the what will probably be quite difficult for you at the beginning.
Five Simple Steps
In the heat of the moment, it can be really hard to remember to focus on the what. Keep practicing! Over time, it will become a habit and you’ll start to see the benefits in your work and your team.
Use these five steps to guide you:
1. Pause and reflect.
Before you react, take a moment to breathe and think. If you’re in the habit of letting your emotions fly, this will help you maintain your professionalism while staying calm.
2. Clarify the objective.
Bring attention back to the goal and confirm that you understand the problem. Doing this can also highlight the goals of the group, making it easier for others to focus on the what.
3. Ask fact-based questions.
Clarify the issue by asking, “What can we do to move forward?” This keeps the conversation positive and forward-looking, avoiding any potential for personal attacks.
4. Use “I” statements.
Express your observations gently, saying, “I’ve noticed we missed a deadline” instead of blaming. This maintains respect and keeps the confrontation to a minimum.
5. Seek solutions, not blame.
Shift the focus to, “How can we fix this together?” Highlighting collaboration in problem-solving can help get others on board.
It can take time to undo years of habit, so don’t beat yourself up if you don’t get it right the first time. As you repeat these steps, your brain will create new neural pathways for these actions. So focusing on the what will get easier over time.
Conclusion
If you’re looking to be more productive at work, earn your place on a team of rock stars, collaborate better with your colleagues, deal with less drama, or fit in at a U.S. company, you should make it a priority to learn how to focus on the what. There’s always time once the heat of the moment has passed to go back and deal calmly with any personal issues that are playing into the situation.
Look for opportunities to practice the five steps we outlined above, and you’ll be amazed at what a difference it makes in your daily life.
